With all this talk about the debt ceiling debates, negotiations, compromising and not compromising, I've realized just how extremely important my work is. Because the biggest part of my work is social problem-solving. Or rather helping children solve there social problems.
When I see a skiff happening...generally over a toy. I first go and point out to the children what is happening. "You both want this toy, that's a problem." I usually don't know who had it first so I don't solve it for them by sending the one who wants it away mad. Neither do I insist that they one who claims to have had it first, share it.
Instead, I ask them to think of what we can do to make both parties happy. I tell them they need to think of ideas. For 3-4 minutes I get a lot of I-WANT-ITs, sometimes some stomping off, lots of yanking for the toy, which I've most likely confiscated into my hands by then.
I keep insisting that they think of ideas. They eventually start coming up with some, usually start off with "I'll play with the toy and then him." I ask the other child if he likes that idea and usually he doesn't. Then I ask him, and he'll say something similar.
More ideas start coming, some more creative than others. I'll take ideas from bystanders. Sometimes I offer a few. I always ask both parties if they like the idea, if they don't, I tell them they need to keep thinking.
As you can imagine, this process can be tedious and seem like we're hitting a brick wall over and over. The kids often want to give up--but if I ask them if I can give the toy to the other, they'll usually come back .If they don't, I declare the problem solved.
Almost always, though, the two children think of an idea that brings a big smile to both of their faces--and mine! Sometimes it's a use the toy together idea, sometimes one finds another toy as a desirable substitute. Whatever the solution, it is always empowering. I make a huge deal over the fact that they solved the problem themselves.
The other day the disagreement was actually over a person. Two children wanted the same third child to push their cars. Their solution--tie the cars together and he could push them both.
The world needs some good problem-solvers. I hope I'm creating some. (Along with some elephants playing piano).
