Van Ghost

 

We're introducing the children to Van Gogh this month. We've been looking at the Starry Night painting. And our awesome art teacher, Doreen, discovered that you can zoom in on real paintings in museums with a Google application. The swirls in the Starry Night are thick and textured. So she got the idea to use frosting to have the children experiment with making their own swirls.

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The best part, of course, was tasting the paint--both during and after the swirling process. We've discovered that frosting, while it may rot teeth and cause serious sugar addictions, is a very effective teaching tool. Now even the two-year-olds know Van Gogh's name and paintings...or some variation of it. One little girl calls him Van Ghost and shrieks just a bit when we talk about him, imagining what sort of ghost he might be. Nonetheless, if frosting is involved, he can't be too scary.  

I've not really spent much time with two-year-olds. Certainly I've never taught as many as I am currently. I might be wrong about this, but it seems that fear is one of the more prominent emotions they feel. Some parents may strongly argue with this as it may seem that their toddlers have no fear, even when it seems logical to have it--like when the two teetering on the tabletop with a glass vase above her head.

So maybe it's the ones I work with but I find that they fear things other children might find enjoyable, like the animal head hats we have at school. Or a butterfly in a box. I am curious about these fears. I'll have to start talking to parents and other teachers and see if it really is a two thing.

The "Bad" Word

"She's bad." The words were said in not much more of a whispered voice and with little expressed anger, just matter-of-factedly. But the speaker knew what she was saying. Another girl had grabbed a toy from her. Her assessment surprised me a bit--she hadn't said much of anything yet, being her first week of school and it was a pretty low key response. It also makes my stomach churn a bit. I've actually been thinking about that label a lot recently--"BAD".

Now, I truly strongly believe we do need to teach children right from wrong. Bad from good. However, I think it's easy for kids to get in a "bad" cycle.  Teachers, parents, and other kids tell me I'm "bad", so I must be bad.  Children quickly feel that people expect them to be bad. So they keep exploring with all those bad things...and others keep telling them that they're bad. For the rest of their lives.

Extreme? What should we do instead then?  Dan Gartrell in his book The Power of Guidance says we should shift from thinking of young children misbehaving to thinking of their behaviors as mistaken. The truth is they just make mistakes--just like adults do. And they've got a lot more reason to make mistakes. Especially a two-year-old who doesn't realize that other kids might have possession issues just like her own so she just takes the toy she desires, even if it's in the hands of another.  She plain and simply doesn't know.

But yet I catch myself using this  "bad" word all the time, particularly with kids. One night, my niece asked me if I was going to have a time out chair at my school. I told her that I didn't think my students would be "bad." There I go, fueling the fire. Message sent: Kids that get sent to time-out are bad. 

I haven't used time-outs yet, and I would really like to keep things that way.  While my first week is past, and emotions do flair and kids do not always comply to my wishes immediately, we still have small numbers. I know that there will be issues in the future that will tempt me into punitive measures--that's just life. But my goal is to keep an atmosphere of guiding and teaching and forgiving. And forgiving.

The math of beginning

Here's the math of a first week:
1st week of school + only a few kids (three at most) = very few displays of extreme emotion /behavior issues

It's easy math, the sort that I like a lot. There were  a few moments of taking away toys, but the problems were actually solved very easily with an explanation of that “it makes your friend sad when you take her toy away…you need to ask first“. One two-year-old in particular, was good at just saying “ok” and going and giving the toy back.  There was the moment when a child did not want to join the group music time. She was playing with a tractor and was not willing to stop. She actually gave me a little chase. I  did not want to chase her though. So I gave her two choices.: Come to the carpet without the tractor or come with the tractor. She came with the tractor and soon became in engaged with the group activity.  This is our main goal, right?  The tractor even got a little dancing in.

Another teacher asked later what my philosophy is on how much we try to get kids to follow instructions. I’m not sure I completely know the answer to that. I told her that there is a certain point they do need to learn to follow instructions--there are times in life that their safety depends on following the instructions of an adult.  However, they should probably spend more time being able to choose, rather having to following directions. So we certainly can give them simple instructions to follow--and expect them to follow them. But the majority of the time we should give them choices.

Waiting by the edge of the carpet for a tumbling turn

Joy

Our goal should never really be to control them. If our goal is crowd control--give them two choices:  You can either sit on the edge of the carpet or stand at the edge of the carpet. Not that that’s going to necessarily get the child to be still on the edge of the carpet every time. But it turns it from being a control issue. Throwing in silly choices probably increases the likelihood of the the children actually choosing one of the things you offer them.  Like--You can wait on the edge of the carpet like a pirate chewing gum or like a blow fish.



Now, I’ve had plenty of control wars with children.. I am no expert-- this is my journey: I
want to keep children safe. Always. I want children to be joyful, to be challenged to higher heights and deeper depths. I want them to be who they are meant to be. I do not want to be manipulated by them. But neither do I want to manipulate them.  I want them to be respectful. I want them to feel at peace. And I want to feel at peace. (And I do not feel at peace when I’m chasing a child around the room trying to get the tractor from her).

I know that the math of preschool emotions is going to get increasingly more complicated. Hopefully, it will just never become logarithms or quadratic equations. At least not until I'm a bit more proficient in the math of emotions.