The "Bad" Word

"She's bad." The words were said in not much more of a whispered voice and with little expressed anger, just matter-of-factedly. But the speaker knew what she was saying. Another girl had grabbed a toy from her. Her assessment surprised me a bit--she hadn't said much of anything yet, being her first week of school and it was a pretty low key response. It also makes my stomach churn a bit. I've actually been thinking about that label a lot recently--"BAD".

Now, I truly strongly believe we do need to teach children right from wrong. Bad from good. However, I think it's easy for kids to get in a "bad" cycle.  Teachers, parents, and other kids tell me I'm "bad", so I must be bad.  Children quickly feel that people expect them to be bad. So they keep exploring with all those bad things...and others keep telling them that they're bad. For the rest of their lives.

Extreme? What should we do instead then?  Dan Gartrell in his book The Power of Guidance says we should shift from thinking of young children misbehaving to thinking of their behaviors as mistaken. The truth is they just make mistakes--just like adults do. And they've got a lot more reason to make mistakes. Especially a two-year-old who doesn't realize that other kids might have possession issues just like her own so she just takes the toy she desires, even if it's in the hands of another.  She plain and simply doesn't know.

But yet I catch myself using this  "bad" word all the time, particularly with kids. One night, my niece asked me if I was going to have a time out chair at my school. I told her that I didn't think my students would be "bad." There I go, fueling the fire. Message sent: Kids that get sent to time-out are bad. 

I haven't used time-outs yet, and I would really like to keep things that way.  While my first week is past, and emotions do flair and kids do not always comply to my wishes immediately, we still have small numbers. I know that there will be issues in the future that will tempt me into punitive measures--that's just life. But my goal is to keep an atmosphere of guiding and teaching and forgiving. And forgiving.