Potty Words

"I'm going to tell Ms. Sara!" I heard from across the room. Seconds later a two and a half year-old was at my side.

"My friend said a bathroom word." 

Now this is no new event to the world of early childhood. Bathroom words are frequently used across the spectrum--from expressions of anger to complete and utter silliness.

"Go tell her you do not like hearing those words and that are only to be used in the bathroom."  I told this child. She ran off, content to oblige.

A moment later she and two of her friends walked by me pushing a stroller with a seemingly purposeful destination. I waved at them and smiled.

"Where are you off to?" I asked.

One of them replied matter-of-factly, "To the bathroom to say potty words."

Sure enough they veered to the bathroom and soon I heard,  "Poopy, poopy, poopy!"  They emerged again and walked back to the dramatic play area, apparently their souls were now relieved of a burning desire.

What the world needs

 

With all this talk about the debt ceiling debates, negotiations, compromising and not compromising, I've realized just how extremely important my work is. Because the biggest part of my work is social problem-solving. Or rather helping children solve there social problems. 

When I see a skiff happening...generally over a toy. I first go and point out to the children what is happening.  "You both want this toy, that's a problem."  I usually don't know who had it first so I don't solve it for them by sending the one who wants it away mad. Neither do I insist that they one who claims to have had it first, share it.  

Instead, I ask them to think of what we can do to make both parties happy. I tell them they need to think of ideas.  For 3-4 minutes I get a lot of I-WANT-ITs, sometimes some stomping off, lots of yanking for the toy, which I've most likely confiscated into my hands by then.  

I keep insisting that they think of ideas. They eventually start coming up with some, usually start off with "I'll play with the toy and then him."  I ask the other child if he likes that idea and usually he doesn't. Then I ask him, and he'll say something similar.  

More ideas start coming, some more creative than others. I'll take ideas from bystanders. Sometimes I offer a few. I always ask both parties if they like the idea, if they don't, I tell them they need to keep thinking. 

As you can imagine, this process can be tedious and seem like we're hitting a brick wall over and over. The kids often want to give up--but if I ask them if I can give the toy to the other, they'll usually come back .If they don't, I declare the problem solved.  

Almost always, though, the two children think of an idea that brings a big smile to both of their faces--and mine!  Sometimes it's a use the toy together idea, sometimes one finds another toy as a desirable substitute. Whatever the solution, it is always empowering. I make a huge deal over the fact that they solved the problem themselves.  

The other day the disagreement was actually over a person. Two children wanted the same third child to push their cars.  Their solution--tie the cars together and he could push them both.  

The world needs some good problem-solvers. I hope I'm creating some. (Along with some elephants playing piano).

Our "puppet-tree"

 

I've been very curious about how to connect our focus on the arts with a focus on healthy social and emotional development.  It's something that happens in other programs too, I'm not saying we're all that revolutionary with it. Still...social emotional development and the arts are things that quickly get swept under the rug when in light of "school readiness" and academic focuses such as literacy, math, etc. (Not that those things are wrong to work at, they just tend to overshadow other important areas of development. Plus we generally teach those traditionally school-ish disciplines in an inappropriate way for young children. Worksheets, for example.) 

We started using our tree for puppet shows. Our first few shows I had the volunteer theater student ad lib a little scenario about hitting. We've really been trying to focus on getting the children to solve their problems through expressing themselves in words and negotiating rather than physical aggression. It's a tough one...imagine that. After the show by the volunteer, we let the kids go one at a time and give their own show. It is mostly a regurgitation of what they've just seen. But I think something really important happens with it. If they're making the puppets hit each other and then react to each other, they're able to take on another's perspective--a very important skill. And one of the biggest reason acting, puppets, and well, sociodramatic play (such as playing house) are so, so important for young children. 

Dinosaurs

I have to admit, I feel a bit dinosaurish myself this evening--long days make me want to growl and stomp, often in search of food. :)  Kids have this epic fascination with dinosaurs. One of my favorite activities this week was creating a volcano. We haven't done actual explosion yet (I'm going to go put vinegar where I'll remember it tomorrow). There was much more, I realized, as is common among people who begin to broach a subject of interest, to learn and it peaks my interest even more in this project approach. I have the idea of it lurking in my head, but I just don't know how to get it rolling. I just need to do some serious experimentation.

These are dinosaur eggs--sand, water, coffee grounds, salt, and flour that I hid something in and then hardened. I hid them around the room and then let the kids use tweezers (they were still pretty soft), to excavate.  

Camping

Singing around the campfire with Mr. Michael, a parent volunteer

 For the last few weeks of May there were a few kids who kept playing camping--they'd pack they're bags, load up the stroller and go set up camp in the play house. They would make fires and make s'mores (skewers with cotton balls on the end), take showers in the shower house, and go fishing. So we decided to take the play a bit further. We went on a field trip to a state park where we were able to go hiking, fishing (for real!), and make s'mores over a fire. Yumminess for all our senses!

Feeding the fish bread while waiting for a fishing pole to be baited

This is why we love fishing

Music group around the campfire with Ms. Jamie

Practicing writing

Superman warming himself at the fire

Hiking at Green Brier State Park

Swirling

I opened this blog with the intent to reflect on practice, particularly when it comes to guiding children in the social emotional development of their lives. I also want it to be a place where parents can come and peek into the window of our preschool days. I'm going to have to pop back and forth from sharing the fun activities we do and doing some reflection, which can get a little real and messy. Bear with me...

Wow, it's huge--this issue of social and emotional development. I wish I could just pop out wisdom with confidence and wit.  Mostly I just have all these questions swirling around in my head...

When do a child's violent actions (such as hitting, kicking, biting, choking, screaming, pushing) turn from social mistakes to intentional "mean-ness?"  
 It is so easy for adults to look at children's violent actions as being mean. Recently in life though, I've been presented with the idea that children are mostly just making mistakes. However, is there a point when they (preschoolers) make a conscious decision to do some they know will harm another? If so...
What should the consequences of social mistakes be?  What should the consequences of intentional "mean-ness" be? 
Time-outs? Redirection. Having something you want taken away from you? I try to make sure that consequences are natural ones....if you're hitting another child with a paper towel tube, the paper towel tube is removed. That's not always very easy though. Should we physically remove a resisting child from a situation?

Should "good" behavior be rewarded with tangible incentives (stickers, lollipops, etc.)?  How do such rewards affect a child's inner motivation? 
Traditionally, we've used sticker charts and rewards to get children to do what we want them to? And a lot of the time it works. Does that justify its use? What is the child's motivation to truly learn then? I would rather have children seek learning opportunities because they find it wonderful. Children wonder and marvel more than any adult I know. Is it really that difficult for me to just find things that they can find interesting enough to seek out?

How early in life should a child be expected to be a part of a group learning time? a.k.a. circle time.
Some early childhood professionals for whom I have the utmost respect suggest that circle times are should not be mandatory. This wrinkles the brow of many, many a preschool teacher. How will they learn to sit still for school? They'll miss so much. We have to be consistent. Most of us preschool teachers--me included--have a fetish for a circle of criss-cross applesauce-hands-in-your-lap-mouths shut! little boys and girls.   Then we can show them the glory of the world, of Eric Carle, dinosaur fossils, and how to recite a poem about shapes.  But, but, but....are they really ready, willing and able? Are we crushing a curiosity to explore? Is there harm in the desire to take a toy off the shelf and delve into a world of imagination? When do kids HAVE to listen to adults? Well, for sure when their safety is in danger. And will they not be able to do that if we've not been able to get them to sit and listen at circle time. How is my own curriculum and planning affecting their compliance?  
That's the question I'm going leave with this evening. 

Stroller-fixing, World-fixing

1. Child A donned a favorite superman cape and golden sparkly hat and set off pushing a stroller rapidly around the room. What great feats the were about to happen, we will never know.

2. Child B came from behind and tore the cape from Child A's shoulders.

3. Child A exploded into a whirlwind of frustration and anger. Words could not be formed, only a shriek. Then the stroller was lifted from the ground and banged onto the floor. The front wheel popped off. 

I watched it happen. Do I reprimand the breaking the stroller? What of Child B, running to the other side of the classroom...now being chased by Child A, who grabbed the cape and started yanking with great might?

4. I intervened.  "Child A, use your words to tell Child B that you are angry. That you would like the cape back."   He did so.

5. Child B bolted with the cape. 

6. I followed. Child B stomped off and started to quietly cry.

7. "Child B, you made Child A very sad." A short dialogue ensued, and eventually, somehow, Child B willingly took the cape to Child A.

8. Child B and I walked by the broken stroller. I explained about three times the events. You took the cape, Child A got angry and broke the stroller. Now we do not have a stroller.

9. I suggested to Child B that we fix the stroller. He got the toolbox and set to work. Soon, two other children joined him.

A happy, cooperative ending to a high stress situation... 

I find myself able to approach these sorts of situations, which are rather frequent in any place more than one child abides, with more calm these days.  It's not my job to make it right as quickly as possible. But I do need to give them some tools to deal with what happens, with those monsters that tear out when someone removes your super-hero powers from your shoulders. Or what to do with the monster that makes you want to grab it in the first place and then lingers behind, changing form when you see that you've actually made someone very, very upset.

I mean, how many adults have an appropriate reaction when someone comes and yanks away our "power"--real and imagined?  We kick and scream every time. It's just that most of us can keep it inside. We've learned to control ourselves. Kids are more real that way. And frankly, I think it's okay to keep the "real" part of it.  Emotions are real and so are problems...why not figure out ways to help kids deal with these?

About healing

About a month ago, I observed a few of the girls were walking around the room, pushing a stroller with a doll. I asked where they were going. "My baby has a one month check-up" was the reply. The two plopped down near the piano. Looking around the room, one of the girls simply stated, "Since there are no doctor things, I guess these will have to do." And she pulled a tool kit off the shelf and started "checking-up" on the baby. 

I decided at that point to get a play doctor's kit for the room. All of the children have used it thoroughly--on each other, their baby dolls, on the bunny, on any guest that may walk through our doors. They are fascinated by it. 

Wanting to build on this play, I asked a friend who is a nurse to come in to the classroom.

 She showed us a lot of the instruments she uses and talked about how children don't need to be afraid when they go to the hospital.  Only a few children were present that day, but they were definitely intrigued by her. We're planning to also have a doctor come by the room soon!

 

I suggested to the children that we set up a doctor's office. This is the sign that we made together.

Here's the waiting room. 

 And making sure the baby's are well-bandaged.

Step by step...drooling included

I've spent the past four months or so drooling over pictures of Reggio Emilia-inspired classrooms.  I've been pulled into international blogging community of people who are totally passionate about giving children the best early education possible--whether at home or in a center.  The blog list on the side bar are the ones I follow most closely though there are scads of others out there as one discovers when reading these blogs. 
Our pastor once said that our passion is tied in with a sense of duty. While this is not the way we usually think about passions, I have understood this to be true when it comes to this job and to the classroom space.  I thoroughly enjoy my job and have deep interest in many, many aspects of early childhood education, and particularly in making the environment a third teacher. My passion goes beyond just what is enjoyable though to the point where the I feel bound to this space, wanting it to truly be all that it can be--yet bound by lack of time and resources, and my own inability to make ideas become reality.  They're so easy to have, ideas.  I feel like I'm just getting the sense of what Reggio Emilia schools mean by having the environment as a teacher--but am far from putting this into practice.  However, step by step I think we'll get somewhere. 
Our teaching team spent hours over this spring break making changes to the room--some huge and some small tweaks. 

We brought in a tree that the children's theater has used in several plays! Yea! It's as cool as it looks, we're hoping to use it for puppetry as you can climb in it and stick puppets out the hole. Meanwhile, our class mascot, Mr. Funnyguy is hanging out in the hole.

Doreen made these ingenious book slings. Just get a double curtain rod bracket, pick our favorite fabric, sew a hem and slide a dowel through.

Really any time you have Doreen around to paint a monster you can't go wrong in making the space more playable. We got a bunny cage too and Jaime has agreed to let us borrow the bunnies she bought at the livestock auction until the one my brother offered us is weaned.

The space under the piano got way more attractive when we added a few pillows and rugs. I'd love to had a few more soft things here and all around the room.

It made the children laugh and play

Our Little Lamb (Elliot) didn't necessarily follow us to school on his own volition, but I don't think he minded getting a ride to school.  Naturally, the our curiosity was high when Elliot arrived and we all very willingly broke out in various renditions of Mary Had a Little Lamb and Baa, Baa Black Sheep.  Those fears that I talked about in a previous post accompanied the fascination of the lamb. I think it's natural to be a bit hesitant to touch a living thing that one's not familiar with. One of the preschool mother's passed on an article addressing the fears of two-year-olds--don't discount the fear it said, just reassure that things are okay, that they are safe. It's a reminder to me again that while children learn thousands of things in their first three years of life, there are still a lot of things they just have not experienced yet. They just need to learn.

Spin art. Inspired by the awesome book Jazz Baby I broke out the record player. It worked but we need speakers so we decided to make some spinning art instead.

Our public debut show at the mall. Who wouldn't want to send their child to a school where she can wear a ladybug costume?  No worries, we have boy costumes too!

spring contentedness

 It is very hard for me to be grumpy on a spring morning of 75 degrees a breeze that makes the willow tree dance. I took both the morning and afternoon classes to the park around the corner on Monday. And I could not help but just breathe deep and smile.  I think it's the same for children--the young love being outdoors. LOVE it. I have no research to base this on, but I truly think that children (and grown-ups) just feel more peaceful outside. Not that this solves emotional turmoil instantly or even prevents any conflict from happening. But there is a contentedness felt outside (particularly in weather from in the 65-75 degree range) that is rarely replicated elsewhere. There is a movement in the preschool world to get kids outside more. See my blog list on the sidebar--seriously awesome educators and parents who all understand the importance of getting kids outside.

Our wet, chilly spring has kept us mostly indoors--which has been fine since we have ample space to run and jump and climb and slide indoors. But I'm anxious for the fenced in space we'll get next week. And I'm pumped about creating a space outdoors where the children are free to still be creative, to exert physical energy, to learn, and of course, to just be content.

We colored eggs with crayons immediately after taking them out of the boiling water. I just put them in an egg-holder cut out from the egg carton and held the egg there. Melted crayon has to be one of the greatest art mediums ever. We got brilliant colors and a marbled look when colors mixed. It was pretty mess-free (not that we're afraid of messes or anything..).

Van Ghost

 

We're introducing the children to Van Gogh this month. We've been looking at the Starry Night painting. And our awesome art teacher, Doreen, discovered that you can zoom in on real paintings in museums with a Google application. The swirls in the Starry Night are thick and textured. So she got the idea to use frosting to have the children experiment with making their own swirls.

.

The best part, of course, was tasting the paint--both during and after the swirling process. We've discovered that frosting, while it may rot teeth and cause serious sugar addictions, is a very effective teaching tool. Now even the two-year-olds know Van Gogh's name and paintings...or some variation of it. One little girl calls him Van Ghost and shrieks just a bit when we talk about him, imagining what sort of ghost he might be. Nonetheless, if frosting is involved, he can't be too scary.  

I've not really spent much time with two-year-olds. Certainly I've never taught as many as I am currently. I might be wrong about this, but it seems that fear is one of the more prominent emotions they feel. Some parents may strongly argue with this as it may seem that their toddlers have no fear, even when it seems logical to have it--like when the two teetering on the tabletop with a glass vase above her head.

So maybe it's the ones I work with but I find that they fear things other children might find enjoyable, like the animal head hats we have at school. Or a butterfly in a box. I am curious about these fears. I'll have to start talking to parents and other teachers and see if it really is a two thing.

The "Bad" Word

"She's bad." The words were said in not much more of a whispered voice and with little expressed anger, just matter-of-factedly. But the speaker knew what she was saying. Another girl had grabbed a toy from her. Her assessment surprised me a bit--she hadn't said much of anything yet, being her first week of school and it was a pretty low key response. It also makes my stomach churn a bit. I've actually been thinking about that label a lot recently--"BAD".

Now, I truly strongly believe we do need to teach children right from wrong. Bad from good. However, I think it's easy for kids to get in a "bad" cycle.  Teachers, parents, and other kids tell me I'm "bad", so I must be bad.  Children quickly feel that people expect them to be bad. So they keep exploring with all those bad things...and others keep telling them that they're bad. For the rest of their lives.

Extreme? What should we do instead then?  Dan Gartrell in his book The Power of Guidance says we should shift from thinking of young children misbehaving to thinking of their behaviors as mistaken. The truth is they just make mistakes--just like adults do. And they've got a lot more reason to make mistakes. Especially a two-year-old who doesn't realize that other kids might have possession issues just like her own so she just takes the toy she desires, even if it's in the hands of another.  She plain and simply doesn't know.

But yet I catch myself using this  "bad" word all the time, particularly with kids. One night, my niece asked me if I was going to have a time out chair at my school. I told her that I didn't think my students would be "bad." There I go, fueling the fire. Message sent: Kids that get sent to time-out are bad. 

I haven't used time-outs yet, and I would really like to keep things that way.  While my first week is past, and emotions do flair and kids do not always comply to my wishes immediately, we still have small numbers. I know that there will be issues in the future that will tempt me into punitive measures--that's just life. But my goal is to keep an atmosphere of guiding and teaching and forgiving. And forgiving.

The math of beginning

Here's the math of a first week:
1st week of school + only a few kids (three at most) = very few displays of extreme emotion /behavior issues

It's easy math, the sort that I like a lot. There were  a few moments of taking away toys, but the problems were actually solved very easily with an explanation of that “it makes your friend sad when you take her toy away…you need to ask first“. One two-year-old in particular, was good at just saying “ok” and going and giving the toy back.  There was the moment when a child did not want to join the group music time. She was playing with a tractor and was not willing to stop. She actually gave me a little chase. I  did not want to chase her though. So I gave her two choices.: Come to the carpet without the tractor or come with the tractor. She came with the tractor and soon became in engaged with the group activity.  This is our main goal, right?  The tractor even got a little dancing in.

Another teacher asked later what my philosophy is on how much we try to get kids to follow instructions. I’m not sure I completely know the answer to that. I told her that there is a certain point they do need to learn to follow instructions--there are times in life that their safety depends on following the instructions of an adult.  However, they should probably spend more time being able to choose, rather having to following directions. So we certainly can give them simple instructions to follow--and expect them to follow them. But the majority of the time we should give them choices.

Waiting by the edge of the carpet for a tumbling turn

Joy

Our goal should never really be to control them. If our goal is crowd control--give them two choices:  You can either sit on the edge of the carpet or stand at the edge of the carpet. Not that that’s going to necessarily get the child to be still on the edge of the carpet every time. But it turns it from being a control issue. Throwing in silly choices probably increases the likelihood of the the children actually choosing one of the things you offer them.  Like--You can wait on the edge of the carpet like a pirate chewing gum or like a blow fish.



Now, I’ve had plenty of control wars with children.. I am no expert-- this is my journey: I
want to keep children safe. Always. I want children to be joyful, to be challenged to higher heights and deeper depths. I want them to be who they are meant to be. I do not want to be manipulated by them. But neither do I want to manipulate them.  I want them to be respectful. I want them to feel at peace. And I want to feel at peace. (And I do not feel at peace when I’m chasing a child around the room trying to get the tractor from her).

I know that the math of preschool emotions is going to get increasingly more complicated. Hopefully, it will just never become logarithms or quadratic equations. At least not until I'm a bit more proficient in the math of emotions.

Which monsters now?

The Wicked Witch of the West's hat used to follow me to bed every night. I could see it in the closet, suspended on the wall where the corner of the house dipped inward. I would stare at it, wide awake, my little body longing for rest, but my mind unwilling to let go of its fears. I had the cognitive ability to tell myself it was imaginary, but nonetheless I did not know how to make my fear and restlessness go away.

It is hardly uncommon for children to be frightened by imagined monsters. Unfortunately, life presents many other situations, objects, and even people, that are not imaginary, but that can evoke fear, sadness, frustration, anger...hatred, jealousy, bitterness in children and adults. These are the monsters--they lurk in us and around us. And daily we must deal with them whether they are in the form of an increased heart rate, curse words, pinching fingers, depression, or rock-throwing. We see the results of these monsters in the news, in the angry words of a best friend who "is never going to play with you" again, in the broken bones of a beaten child in the emergency room. Sometimes the results are petty, but sometimes they are disastrous. The disastrous ones are the ones that make me burn with a passion to teach children the right way to deal with those monsters.

I adhere strongly to a Mennonite faith tradition that is rooted in peace and non-violence. Just this week at church we were discussing Jesus' words to "turn the other cheek."  This is often mistaken with being passive and just letting people beat you up. However, I firmly believe that Jesus was about not continuing the unending cycle of violence that ensues when someone retaliates with an equal action. If someone hits you, hit them back.   Neither did he want people to get beaten up. There's a third way. A way of facing that monster head on and disarming it with something unexpected, with kindness, with forgiveness, with love. 

Now whether or not you agree with my faith--surely you do not want your child...or any child...to be violently attacked, either physically or emotionally.  Well, that's what happens when we teach children to hit back.  That's what happens when we teach them to be passive.  There has to be another way.  I do not want to believe that I live in a world that has no option but violence.

One of the biggest buzzes in the field of early childhood education is social and emotional development and how it should be, basically, the first priority in early childhood. My desire is to start a conversation about how this actually plays out in the classroom--or at home or the park. So here is a cyber space where I can reflect on how this actually works. I've been drawn into all the education blogs out there (see my blog list)--they're so cool and really I just want to be like all those cool teachers. But I also need to reflect on my practice in the classroom and in life. So now to face my fear--is the font of my title going to draw you in?